It might not be easy, but it will be worth it

I have always known my path in life. I have always known that I would study hard, go to university, get a good job, meet someone, and have a family by the time I was 30. Life was going to be easy for me because I knew exactly where I wanted to go and how I was going to get there. Well, that's what I always thought anyway.

Everyday I continue to learn something new about myself and the world. It's obvious to me now that life isn't as easy as my younger-self had naively thought. No matter who I am, or what I have done, there will be both easy times and hard. There will be both laughter and sadness. And ultimately, any plan that I have for myself is unlikely to unfold exactly how I envisaged it. Experiencing life's difficulties can be scary and unnerving, and it has taken me a lot of time to see the positive side of difficulty. We all remember those older family members telling us that we'll learn a lot about life and ourselves as we grow, but it's hard to really know what that means when you're bright eyed and feel invincible. Words can't prepare you for those future experiences. Don't get me wrong, my hard times are not hard in the wider spectrum of things. I am fortunate to have had a wonderful life. However, we all have inner turmoil that we suffer with; it is only natural as humans that our emotions sometimes overwhelm us. With this in mind, I want to share three things I have learnt so far through my own experiences.

Firstly, don't ever think that you are the only one feeling the way you do. As I have grown through life, I have been surprised by how many people have suffered with similar feelings of anxiety and insecurity. I always thought that it was just me that felt this way. I felt that I was alone and nobody would understand. How wrong I was. We are all battling with something and there is no shame in that. There is relief and comfort in the realisation that those around you, those who you love and admire, those who seem so happy, those who look like they have the whole world figured out, all worry about similar things to you. I am not sure why it has taken me until my thirties to have these conversations with friends and uncover this, but it is life changing to find honesty with those closest to you.

Secondly, I have learnt that I need to have faith that bad things can end up being good things. Life is full of moments. Sometimes they make sense, and sometimes they don't. As I look back, though, I do not regret any of those times now. Both the bad and good have made me the person I am today. Not getting the job I wanted straight out of university meant that I had time to travel, meet new people, and test the limits of my comfort zone. It wasn't part of my plan, and felt like a failure at the time, but the job I started a year later led to me meeting some of my best friends. Equally, dealing with the reality of personal rejection, whether in friendships or relationships, is hard. The pain can make us close ourselves off from the world, but I realise now that those times have in fact taught me that I am stronger than I realised. We all dwell on the immediate impact of the moment but, if I could do it again, I would try to worry less about the immediate and see the opportunity instead. I admit that it's easier said than done. We live in a competitive world where the internet has meant that our every step is on show to those around us. Wouldn't it be great, though, if we could all minimise the anxiety and instead focus on the positives of what is happening?

Finally, the most important thing that I have realised is that, one day, despite all of the hardships and pain, you will find your people. The inner turmoil might be difficult to manage, and times might get hard, but if you can stay positive and honest, I have realised that eventually you will find a group of people with whom everything just feels right. People you can unashamedly be yourself with, and have conversations you have never shared with anyone else. When you find those people, cherish them. Keep them close because they will be the ones who pull you through when days are hard. They won't judge you for your fears, and will be there for you to lean on. They will find a way to cheer you up and make you smile. Laughter is the most amazing thing in life. Finding those people who consistently make you smile from cheek-to-cheek are the special ones.

You may be wondering why I have written this post - something so different to my usual blog topics. Well, I have been on my own personal journey and, in the spirit of my "Pause and Reflect" blog, I wanted to share some of my reflections, in the hope that they might trigger some thoughts of positivity for others. Those of you who know me well, know that I love quotes and lyrics, so I'll leave you with this final thought:

"Too many of us are not living our dreams because we're living our fears."

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